Who cares about UFOs in Roswell? We have enough problems here on Earth

What we found in Roswell

Colonel Kevin Randle – a former Vietnam helicopter pilot, former Iraqi intelligence officer, and UFO expert and specialist – in What happened in July 1947 in Roswella seedy little town with a population of about 50,000 (about what New York City’s height would be).

So, today, are so-called UFOs yes or no?

Colonel: “The UFOs were in Roswell, New Mexico, because that’s where atomic research started. Roswell Army Airfield was the only atomic strike force at the time.

“The debris field was 65 miles to the northwest. The craft and bodies were a little closer. The testimonies of those we questioned all believed the thing was extraterrestrial. We examined witnesses who said they saw a craft and bodies of creatures. Not human, but humanoid. Smaller than ours. Heads and eyes larger than humans.”

“The debris field contained an inexplicable metallic substance. Collect the objects and they will return to their original form.

“Roswell is the only place where atomic research started. If it had crashed somewhere else we would have a different discussion. We did a lot of interviews with people who had some simple knowledge.

“At the impact site, the guard on duty in the back of one of the trucks was told, ‘Don’t look under the tarp.’ He saw a body about 4 and a half feet long. Very thin. Big head. Big eyes. Skin-tight spacesuit. The size of an 11-year-old.”

Not sure what it is

“The hands had four fingers and small cups at the end of each. They were all very long and slender, almost like tentacles. The ends of the fingers seemed to be shaped to hold objects.”

Why we’re all so excited about discovering what’s out there in outer space when we can’t even get together on this planet, I don’t know. It was suggested that this colonel might take his little journey into outer space where he and his comrades would discover all sorts of things and report back.

Would the now-retired army officer want to hop on a spaceship? Take a relaxing drink a few trillion miles away? Say hello to Damnscrammy, who’ll be there Promising free buses?

The point is, why would we want to find new territories like some empty space in a black hole perhaps 890 trillion miles away — and three years away — where Fauci and RFK Jr. are still lecturing, Bernie Sanders is still spitting, Markle has already fired Prince Harry’s temperature and Elon already owns hot dog carts?

Facts are facts

Paris will also remain rude to the Americans, and Florida will always suffer from hurricanes. Comey will still say, “I’m innocent.” Diddy will still say “I’m innocent,” Hunter will still say “I’m innocent,” doctors will still be too busy with appointments, Harvard will soon be a museum, Tom Cruise will jump off his 3,000th moving train, and we will always have the IRS.

I couldn’t talk to the Colonel for much longer because I had just lost a pearl earring and needed to find it.

So, now that astrophysicists have pinpointed the location of another distant planet and who the hell cares and it’s back to basics, what we deep thinkers have to ask ourselves is: If a man is all alone and he’s in a dense forest and he makes a statement without his wife being there – is he still wrong?

Only in the USA, kids, only in the USA.