Should I attend my friend’s mother’s funeral when she dies?

Dear Abby: My best friend Annie came to my father’s funeral. She had only met him twice. While I realized she was doing it to be there for me, I felt responsible for her because she didn’t know anyone there.

I had her sit with me, but I was trying to deal with friends and family I hadn’t seen in a long time. I ended up unable to talk to everyone because the funeral was so emotional. I appreciated her coming, but I wished she hadn’t been there.

I prefer to avoid funerals because I get emotional. Unless it is an immediate family member, I prefer to remember the deceased as they were and keep those photos as my last memories.

My dilemma: Annie’s mother has health problems, and the time will come when she dies. I’ve met her a few times, but we’re not close. I feel like I should go to the funeral to be there for Annie, as she was for me, but I prefer to remember her mother as she was.

So, do I go for it and end up an emotional wreck, or do I reunite with her a few days later, just the two of us, which is what I hope she does for me? – Sad in both cases in the East

Dear Sad: Please accept my sympathy on the loss of your father. I can only imagine how emotional you and your family must have been at that funeral. Annie meant to be supportive, and I don’t think it would be helpful to point out that her presence distracted you from speaking with the many relatives gathered.

I think you need to ask Annie these questions. (“Do you need me to be there for emotional support at your mother’s services, or would you rather we get together – just the two of us – after a few days?”)

It’s important. Take your cues from her reaction, but be prepared for the fact that when it actually happens, her feelings may be different.

Dear Abby: My 11-year-old daughter, Emma, ​​has had a group of six to eight friends with whom she has played at school, scouts, parties, etc., for over three years. Eight months ago, one of the girls, Charlotte, had a slumber party, and Emma wasn’t invited.

She was very hurt and cried. I told her that she wouldn’t always be invited to everything, and maybe there was a limit where she could invite Charlotte.

Since then, whenever there is an event that Emma knows Charlotte will attend, my daughter refuses to go. For eight months, I intentionally missed some scouting parties and events. Other than that, they all seem to still be hanging out together at school. How can I help my daughter understand that she is only hurting herself? -My sympathetic mom in Ohio

My dear mother: It’s time to teach your daughter that she doesn’t have to “like” everyone she socializes with — however, you may need to get along with them.

If she can internalize this lesson, it will benefit her both in and out of school. Tell Emma you hate seeing her punish herself, thinking it will hurt Charlotte, when Charlotte may not notice her absence at all.

Even though Emma is only 11 years old, it’s time for her to grow up.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Call Dear Abby on www.DearAbby.com Or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.